My “Help” Is Handicapping My Toddler

Don’t beat yourself up - we all do it. Beauty is: this is something we can change instantly :) Awareness is everything!

Do you ever look at your toddler and think “do you know all the things you should know at this age?” Your first instinct may be to think about letters, colors, numbers or something else “academic.” But this skill - SELF HELP - is an underrated but critical toddler skill. I want you to keep reading this all the way through and try not to get offended. 

If you have a toddler, you will not be surprised to hear they crave more independence around 18 months. Hello terrible 2’s and troublesome 3’s! They through fits and scream and downright have their own opinions! Have you ever asked yourself am I causing this behavior? Personally, I HAVE handicapped my children many times under the guise of “being helpful”– let me explain.

How often are we doing things for our toddlers that they can do for themselves? Sure, they aren’t as quick or efficient as us but ask yourself - are they CAPABLE of doing it? Often, I find I am not slowing life down enough for my toddlers to “keep up” and I am running them over with my busy life.

Evaluate these simple tasks – who does them, you or your toddler?

·        Cleans up toys

·        Refills toilet paper/paper towel

·        Set the table

·        Help carry in the groceries

·        Wipes their place at the table when they are finished eating

·        Wash their own hands AND face   

·        Bring shoes/socks to you to put on them (or put them on themselves!)

·        Feed/water the pets

·        Swifer/sweep the floor

·        Help with laundry (load/unload washer/dryer, pull out all the socks from clean laundry etc.)

·        Take their bowls and plates into the kitchen when they are done

·        Make their bed (yes, even my 2 year olds can “make their bed” more on this in another post!)

“I can clean up - I may fuss and cry but help me to see “I CAN” by having me do it myself.”

Okay, now if you read that and are saying “Amanda, you don’t understand – no 2-year-old picks up toys ALL by themselves” or “Are you kidding me, if I let me toddler clean his own face it wouldn’t be clean” I get it. Yes – it will take more time. Yes – there may be more tears. And yes – they will try to wear you down at times saying “I just can’t do it.” BUT IT IS WORTH IT. I promise you.

They CAN do it! We may have to plan extra time before we walk out of the house or put a bin by the front door for their shoes so they can access them. Toddlers need you to believe in otherwise we reinforce the “I can’t do it without you” mentality.

Are you ready to help them be more independent?

·        Step 1: accept it may be a little messy (tears, fits, and irritation at times)

·        Step 2: know they won’t do it as fast or as well as you – but that is OKAY! You are teaching them how – not doing it for them. Model the behavior, have them do it and be okay that it isn’t perfect.

·        Step 3: enjoy watching their confidence blossom as they learn they “really can do it!”

So, what now? The chart above is a sample of a few age-appropriate tasks for kids age 2-4.  Can your child be doing more by themselves? Look at your family routine and what you do with your toddler throughout the day.

If there is interest I will post a free printable, interactive chart I made for my twins (3 in December). We love it and bonus - it is fall themed :) Let me know in the comments or via message if you guys would like this!